Football talk and ......

Joe and myself have surrendered our Football Channel. PUIZ and Tiew the TWO CB telcos lah.. KNN... Next season of EPL, must have two set up box.. knn is like having wife and mistress in a house.. puiz! WHY can't they share now ?? cb gahmen still so sluggish..

Anyways.. Joe and myself went to Kopitiam watch football. cheap and good. 1 Kopi gao baru 80 cents. and KNNBCCB.. only 1 farking cup lah... cb Joe ask for kopi gao, then ask for 1 extra cup, then ask for half a cup warm water... u know why? MIX WITH 30% of MY KOPI GAO. Ni nao hia!

We watch the whole fuggin match for almost 90mins, all like last night pah chiu cheng or ki Geylang hoot a few char bors before the match.. KNN.. all shoot like cb guniangs... legs like cannot kick.. must assisted by the "third" leg.. puiz!

Man U SIBEH heng again.. last minute got 1 paul scolds LOOT jip liow gib Man U win. Anyways.. limpeh lose money lah... buy 3 balls end up 1 ball.

after that go where? my place jiak maggi mee....

9 Words Women use...

okay, i'm guilty at times of being un-original. but i rather be natural than trying to ooze out some creative juice only to constipate badly. Hey.. u wanna win the ladies over right? then better smarten up and learn. Somethings Men cannot win.

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means one-half hour ...

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes.

Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.


(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men.

A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting h er time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man.

That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.

(This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - which is PURE sarcasm and she is not th anking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' -- that will bring on a 'whatever'.)


(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!


(9) Don't worry about it, I've got it: Another dangerous statement , meaning this is something that a woman has told a man

to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response, refer to # 3.

Have u try blowing yourself up? The Talibans did..

Taliban 1: Zi is good..

Taliban 2: what's good?

Taliban 1: Zee boms..iz ze most powerful bomb.. (pointing at the bomb)

Taliban 2: Yez! We vill killz all ze infidels! All ENEMIES of ALL*H!!!!! WE VILL ....

Taliban 1: no no no!!!!... for ourselves you piece of monkey crap!.. I got ze ideea .. Donch you wanna see nice beautifool virginz? ALL 72 VIRGINz ?? ALL YOURS!???

Taliban 2: ah? u forkin bastard! ... heh heh heh...good ideea..

Taliban 1: okez, here'z ze plan.. once we're done here? we go UP.. u take half the virginz. i take the other half.. ok?

Taliban 2: Good ideas.... eh i just checked there were already 200 over suicide bomberz.. whats left for us when we go up there?

Taliban 1: oh fuck! ... now u tell me...its too........

OH SHIT!!!!!

Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...

Ghost Shit

You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.


Teflon Coated Shit

Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!



Gooey Shit

This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.



Second Thought Shit

You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.



Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit

This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.



Bali Belly Shit

You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.



Right Now Shit

You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.



King Kong Shit

This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.



Wet Cheeks Shit

This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.



Wish Shit

You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!



Cement Block or Oh God Shit

You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.



Snake Shit

This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.



Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)

Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.



Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)

You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.



Beer Drunk Shit

This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.



The Frightened Turtle

The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in



The Bungee Shit

The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.



The Ring of Fire Shit

The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.



The Crippler

The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.



The Big Bobber

The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.



The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.



The Incredible Hulk Shit

The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.



The Jack the Ripper Shit

The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.



The Party Pooper

The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.



The Toxic Gas Shit

The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.



Dirty Bowl Shit

The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.



The Windy City Shit

When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.



Oh Shit! Shit

You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!


The Never Ending Shit

It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.


Ouch That Hurt Shit

The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.

Boring Friday night.

Wah! got 1 follower siah!

Eh this one quite chio bu leh... swee mak mak! Nice foto some more.

BUT

This one mai sng.. u poke her. I confirmationalize YOUR privates all chwee and peet ka liow. I was laughing at some of the previous post, she KNN deleted liow lah.. okay, u want to know who is the chao ah beng in alamak bo? Go ask her hahahaha! I like this kind of chatter, speaks her mind, not like me, i speak from my small mind HAHAHAHAH!!!

u dont laff! as long as you got 1 horse and 2 kiews, u ALSO like me. hahahah!

Okay lah.. on to my fav topic FOOD and KTV.. Joe last night decided to pop over for free dinner again, I ask him, Tolong lah... when are you going to get me a decent meal?? He said he tio 4D, want to blanjah me go eat and go KTV after that..

I dig my left ear and remove 1 piece of ear shit.

"SAY AGAIN JOE?"

"Wa tio 4D, kim meh ki jiak and ki KTV!!"

I put back the ear shit in my right ear.

"JOE, LIM PEH NOT FIRST TIME KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND! KNNCCB!! JOE, u want to go Area G (Geylang) sibo?

"But MakanSutra always go there do interviews and food must be good still lah... and.. *ahem... also can do a bit of kamasutra"

KAM li eh si lang tao lah! KAM. HOW I tell my BU i going Area G go eat niah? I sure tio gan left and right one leh.. after that kar neng liow.. buey chut liow ... puiz!

Anyway, Joe ish kong kong niah... when he see the mainlan chinese chio bu, he will erect and stain my car liow.. KNN. sibeh power.

He always talk cock lah.. tell me say, find Geylang chio bu and song, there the women sing karaokey with your lan jiao, can still smile at you with their porcelain white gehs, and when they sing, they can also stick out tongue and make u song.

Talk cock sibeh song hor?

HAHAHAHA!

CHUT middle FINGER at ah JOE...

We end up eating maggie mee Korean flavor with 1 egg each, courtesy of Joe's farking stingy 4D winnings.

PUIZ!

My LAN is still FARKED II

I think i'm going to make this into a drama mama sequel. WHAT THE F!

Lim bu ish waiting for Network guy to let me go inside my fav website leh, KNNBCCB! Call him day and nite he say working on it. PUIZ! keep giving me the "i'm trying.. give me more time" face. CB Face lah!

Wait and wait.. and wait until my lumpar mor and my kar chng mor all touched the floor liow. Ki pang jio, hair drop down to the floor, colleages see and comment...

"wah sibeh hippy leh.. macam 1970s stylo-milo hairs style"...

I replied... "bo pian... hair and horse must match length... eh your one leh? shaved liow kua bo lan hahahahah!!!"


PUIZ! lim peh gongtinue to wait lor....

My LAN is FARKED!

The pleasures of working in my company is i get a small table and a big chair in a little cosy corner and access to internet. And al that ended after National Day.

ONE FARKING BIG TABLE.

ONE FARKING SMALL CHAIR

and ONE FARKING NETWORK GOT NOT ACCESS TO MY FAV PORNSITE!

and I AM ONE FARKING PISSED EMPLOYEE!

ME.

Tiew NAH Seng... PUIZ!

I wanna fark the fella who designed the layout for the new office. And i ALMOST wanted to fark the IT fella for blocking all my fav sites.. KNN... . first few days buay tahan, diam diam hyper ventilate and tio withdrawal symptoms.. almost want to remove my pants, get my horse hard hard and FARK the bloody network!

Puiz!

so how now? LAN LAN lor... knn.. every few minutes just click on Channel(old)newsasia.com lor... wait for newer news to read lor... if continlue like tat, FARK the LAN lah.